Muslim High School Confusion

All my life I have (for the most part) stuck to the middle side and done things in moderation. I've ate healthy and done my exercising but not overdone it. I've seen the balance that I need between music and work, or prayer and my duties in a dunya world. But I'm stuck at one point, where is the middle ground between school and a social life. I know that currently I'm not at a good balance. It's gotten to the point in my schoolwork where I work SOO hard for too long, that I'm getting sick. I'm hurting the amana and trust that Allah (swt) has given me- my body. I must realize that my worship to Allah swt is the only reason why I am here. But where is the balance between total prayer like salah, and making your intentions for Allah swt by doing something like going to school? Or am I wrong, is there even any difference at all? I'm so confused!

Hospital Tour!!

This evening, I visited the hospital where my dad works...
To say it was amazing is an understatement to it's true beauty and awe. He took us on a tour through the entire building. My brother and I were able to see what happens beyond the waiting room. We went into the Sleep Room, which is a sector within the hospital where usually Anesthesiologists care for patients and run different tests. We visited CCU(Critical Care Unit) and my parents explained to us what each machine did in the room. From heart scans to oxygen tubes they explained it all. We met the nurses and went through the Women's Health Center and also
The ER(Emergency Room).
It was a nice place, hospitals are really big and each door is like a double door for rolling beds in and out of hallways. Everything has locks and keypads, and every place smells like a newly washed piece of clothing. In fact, within every room (or hallway) is a wall hand sanitizer dispenser! More than that, when my dad walked into that building I could see the expression on the nurse's faces. Everyone knew my dad and treated him like.... Like.... Well like a hero. I could see that respect in their eyes for him, that this man was not just a knowledgable doctor but a person who saved lives everyday all thanks to Allah(swt) will and permission.
My dad was grinning from ear to ear. I will probably never see him as happy or proud as he did that day. Every door he opened had a new treasure to see and when he looked at our faces full of admiration, his eyes lit up and his smile grew. You could tell that no matter how many late nights it would cost him, or millions of phone calls, this man was so happy with the career path he chose and what he did everyday.
And that's when it hit me. I realized how badly I wanted this. To walk the fresh- smelling hallways in a lab coat and stethoscope. To gain respect from these people, and most importantly to help a person in need. I wanted that thrill of seeing a patient look me in the eyes and ask for help. I would pray to Allah (swt) to help me make this person feel better. It feels good to know that you can do something for the society. I want to focus, it'll be hard and especially with medical school and everything. It takes a long time to become a doctor and kind of disgusting, but I want to try my best and if Allah (swt) doesn't want this for me then maybe I can go into dentistry, or some other career. What do you guys want to be when you grow up? I need some career options.

What Happens When you Bottle Feelings Up?

Sometimes I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs until there's no more left. But I can't. I'm stuck, in this oxygen sucking house, where no mater where I go, someone will hear me. I cant even go outside. My neighborhood is like a ghost town so screaming would wake up the whole neighborhood. You know that feeling, when you have this lump in your throat, and you just want to cry but you can't? The only thing that would make it feel better would be screaming so loud!... but you can't? And then your just left having to grit your teeth and smile as if everything is alright. That is how I feel. I don't know what to do, I'm writing this as my form of vent since the screaming won't work but the lump is still there. I don't know what to do. Most of the time I just hate myself because I always put the fault on me. I guess sometimes it may be someone else's fault, but in the end after all the anger and hurt has subsided I realize it was all just my own fault and then I just get angry at myself, scolding myself inside until that lump comes again.

My Poem

Okay guys here's the poem that has been long overdue!

The tree that wasn't tall
Stood silently alone
Looking shorter by the minute
'Front the fancy suburban home

The rock that wasn't gray
A leader in it's river
The keeper of the land
Quiet, silent giver

The sun that wasn't hot
Rises from the setting stars
An opposite reaction
To the ending of the moon

But where amidst all this does come
A glimpse of commonality?
To see the uniqueness of each hand
A fingerprint never the same

What truly is normality?
And who's to say what's right or wrong
When all perfection lies in relativity?
And nothing is but wrong

Did you know?

1. Those who seem the strongest, are usually the most sensitive.

2. Those who seem the kindest, have often been mistreated.

3. Those who reach out to, and care for other people, are usually the people who need some help themselves.

4. Those who smile the most, rarely have the perfect life. If you look behind the smile you will often find a lot of pain.

5. The three hardest things to say are “I’m sorry”; “I love you”; and “Please help me.”

Childhood Best Friend Dilemma

I'm so stuck. What do you do when you find an old childhood best friend online? Do you just like type to her saying "hi! Remember me from like 10 years ago?" What if you just found out her mom died? Do you say sorry to her online? Is it stalking if you look at her tumblr alot because you just so badly want to see her or remind yourself of her or you feel like you can relate to her so well, or something? I know this problem isn't half as hard as other people's but LIFE IS SO HARD!

Sunday Morning

I witnessed the most beautiful sunrise today. We were all up at 7:00 today and by 7:30 we had all packed ourselves in the car ready to return home. It was then, that I saw the sun. So slowly it started as a small flicker and I could see it erasing the darkness of the night. The next thing I know it was brightening the whole sky in a pastel yellow glow. To my right I see the bright sky holding the sun in it's palm. To the left, is the small bit of dark cloudy sky that's left. It's amazing how God creates the alternation of day and night, its so slow but absolutely miraculous, words cannot even describe it's true beauty. That's what I see in the morning. Its kind of strange but I feel that the sunrise is more beautiful than the sunset. It reminds me that God was merciful enough to give me another day to live. To me,
it represents a new chance and another beginning as opposed to the sunset and it's representation of the end of the day. I used to wonder why God made the world the way He did. I mean the way we perceive it, is that how He wanted us to see it? I'm so thankful that I have Islam to give me these answers. There are so many mysteries about the world. Scientists try to find the answers and discover, but if they had just read the Quran they would have known these things so much earlier. That's the thing, Islam follows no trends or times in history, we have our own trend and guide which is Islam and our guidebook is the Quran. For example, women used to cover their hair and wouldn't go out if their ankles were not covered! Now women walk around practically half naked. We Muslim women don't follow the trends, to this day we continue to cover ourselves from head to toe when we leave the house. At the same time, we've known about these discoveries (such as the separation of salt and fresh water) for centuries, 1400 years earlier, but scientists are only discovering them now. This is the truth of Allah. God's words can be nothing but true. God's words are in all three books (the Bible, the Torah and the Quran) but over time people have altered it. They've changed things and replaced words. Only the Quran's words have been unchanged and if you don't believe me, please read it for yourself, and discover the beauty of Islam.