What Happens When you Bottle Feelings Up?

Sometimes I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs until there's no more left. But I can't. I'm stuck, in this oxygen sucking house, where no mater where I go, someone will hear me. I cant even go outside. My neighborhood is like a ghost town so screaming would wake up the whole neighborhood. You know that feeling, when you have this lump in your throat, and you just want to cry but you can't? The only thing that would make it feel better would be screaming so loud!... but you can't? And then your just left having to grit your teeth and smile as if everything is alright. That is how I feel. I don't know what to do, I'm writing this as my form of vent since the screaming won't work but the lump is still there. I don't know what to do. Most of the time I just hate myself because I always put the fault on me. I guess sometimes it may be someone else's fault, but in the end after all the anger and hurt has subsided I realize it was all just my own fault and then I just get angry at myself, scolding myself inside until that lump comes again.