Mommy and Me

Sometimes I wonder if my mom ever wonders why we aren't as close anymore. I have the biggest problem with bottling my troubles up and I don't say anything. If I were to say something I'd tell her that we were really close before, when we didn't live with my dad. Not that he has anything to do with my mom and I moving further apart. It's just that when he became part of the family again, we moved. I really hate moving, it always ruins stuff. I'd love travel all over the world but I'd never want to move. Anyway, I think the biggest factor is that the new job she got when we moved here was definitely different from what I was used to. My mom is a doctor for kids, a pediatrician. The problem is that where we live now, everyone in the community is my mom's patients. Half of my friends knows mom better than me! And even worse it seems as if my mom loves them more or equal than me.

But its not like at her old job she didn't treat some of my friends. When I was little, my mom used to go to other people's houses and treat the little kids there. It was her kind of "little good deed" at the end of the week. She'd always bring me along. I remember she'd always let me help and basically make me feel important. My mom would have me give her the different tools; from otoscopes to thermometers. She taught me what each one did and why.
I know it sounds selfish but it seems as if now she calls everyone her "little sweetheart." it's so obvious when she's just being polite even though you can tell she's exhausted. I've watched her go through 8 patients in one day and say to each one of them the same thing, "there's my favorite little girl!" I guess I'm okay with that, she's just trying to make them feel better so they don't get scared when she starts the shots or the checkups with her tools that definitely would scare a five year old. But it's when she says it to me that I get a little afraid. Is she just being polite like she does it to the other kids?
My mom doesn't take me with her to others' houses anymore. She leaves me at home alone, stuck with homework. The worst part is when i make a friend and then
SHE MEETS MY MOM!!.....,
they start talking for hours and I'm stuck there watching them. It hurts that I can never find a friend who can actually like me without liking my mom more. It also hurts that these people can all talk to her more openly than I ever could (in the years after I moved).

I should be thankful though. I mean I'm so lucky and grateful to God that He gave me a mother, and one who is a doctor. I really am lucky and it's all thanks to God for blessing me. Someday I plan to tell her. I'm just waiting for the right moment, but it seems to never come. There's so many things I haven't said, just blogging this is a real opening up for me. Anyway there's my pathetic story of how I can't tell my mom my problems :( but it's all good. Bye!!